Let me make something very clear right now: I am great.  I can’t put into words JUST how great I am, but I’m so great that the twin sisters of vanity and humility call me on an hourly basis and I never even make an effort to pick up the phone (how did they even get my number?).  But under the eyes of the divine, even I find myself speaking to those ladies when I listen to Comeupoutdawahta.  Who would have thought that the long career of Gil, the years, the questions, the advancements in technology, blurbs of other greatness and even the theoretical sessions where this rapper and his cohorts likely made their rifles burs all day long, would manifest into something so concentrated and flawless, let alone something worth every second of waiting?  Who would have thought that we would be blessed with such a song of such magnificent depth and complexity?  Who would have thought that this would be the new standard for musical perfection, far more than even Bohemian Rhapsody or Like a Rolling Stone?

Comeupoutdawahta is a song that transcends genres and even music, bringing together elements of baroque classical music, reggae sensibilities, new wave rock, bebop jazz, Japanese pop from the year 2124, and you would THINK that this would create a song that feels crazy and disjointed, but all these elements weld together so beautifully in a way that shouldn’t be possible on earth or even in this galaxy.  It starts with a humble intro that our emcee doesn’t call an intro, then seconds later we have the godly image of him floating above and through water, arms open and spine bending back like Jesus wading through the annals of space, time and the eldest Kardashian’s nether regions.  And it all happens in such a way that you never notice a change.

What really sets this song apart is how much effort had to have gone into the backdrops and snippets that came both before and after the track’s conception, producing this false impression that MAYBE this song was meant to be a joke, another parody of hip-hop that any Agnes, Agatha, Jermaine or Jack could make up in an afternoon or overnight.  You thought that this song was just a team of individuals wasting their time with benign house cleaning and dry turkey sandwiches, equating to the energy output of a Snorlax after clearing out an all-you-can-eat 24 hour buffet grill?  No, it is not, and in a the span of a few minutes you discover how serious it all is.

Perhaps I’m overwhelmed by the intricacies of the words, and the mind blowing way in which everything flows together.  While your average emcee like your Nas or your Black Thought or your Andre 3000 might maintain this “illusion” of being a top flight emcee, this man here, Gil, tears that age-old image (i.e. personal lyrics, technical mastery, unique flow) asunder when it was already very sound to begin with; the new standard is the guttural growl and the free-association that doesn’t sound like it’s random in the slightest.  Comeupoutdawahta blows all expectations out of the water for what demand in a song.  What begins with heart-wrenching references to marine wildlife and personal accounts of dwelling at beaches goes into biting commentary on personal hygienic applications and the dangers of precooked, processed foods.  Gil speaks on his family and their connections to mythological villains, ONLY to transition that into his surprising, but wholly believable, connections to mythological temptresses that don’t manage to tempt him.

This is the kind of behavior that legends are made of, and Gil himself lives it on a year round basis, with every season.  Gil himself may just be the second coming of Jesus, a man so fresh that he has not one but TWO aunts named Vivian, who are the same person but don’t look or sound even REMOTELY the same.  With Comeupoutdawahta, this emcee references pop culture like no one’s business.  He calls to mind the divorce of Seal and Heidi Klum and his subsequent advances towards her, the relevance of Aquaman – where he made even me, an ardent hater of Aquaman, a believer – children’s swimming aids, and perhaps most surprisingly the innovative masterpieces of Richard Dean Anderson.  By the time he raps “…oh my god its him”, you say the same thing he does: “Bars”.

And this is just one verse in.

Every single line in this musical extravaganza was crafted with a feather pen plucked from the ass of the dove that came back to let Noah know that the waters had not yet receded.  What would come across as cocky or bragging stands as reality for a wordsmith of Gil’s caliber, and the chorus of the song goes into a yodeling segment that would make Emil Wilhelm Richterich and Masumi Hazuki shed a tear and advise all the nations of the world to give the creator of this song a Nobel Peace Prize.

It is virtually impossible for me to point to my favorite aspect of this gift from above.  Could it be how he speaks on the horror of the infamous water temple from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time?  Maybe it could be the way he expertly draws attention to the zodiac and James Cameron’s blockbuster Titanic as a means to discredit Ms. Cleo.  Perhaps I’m most drawn to how he combats the torture method of waterboarding and shows his courage in declaring that it simply bores him and he wouldn’t concern himself with it.  This song is so good it deserves achievements and acknowledgements for even listening to it.  You deserve an acknowledgement for listening to it.  You deserve an acknowledgement for processing this song and going out into the world and saying, “Hello, world!  I’m your daddy now!”  You deserve an acknowledgement for

listening to a terrific parody of hashtag rap as a whole, presented in a comical fashion that ironically enough does sound better than plenty of things you hear elsewhere in the same variety

If I had anything mean to say about this song, it would be that it is only two verses long, and that is hardly enough time to show the mastery of blending topics such as legendary Pokemon, traversing the seas, fleeing highly organized insects and The Shawshank Redemption, but with two verses you appreciate how much effort and heart went into every line.  This song isn’t just great: it’s the single defining highlight of humanity as a whole, the kind of beauty that the Most Interesting Man in the World even pauses for.  And you aren’t a true denizen of the universe until you inhale this song like it is.  This song is a baptism for your soul, and it’s time for you to come up out the water.

Bars.